How Did I Get Here?

It's 11:00 PM on a Thursday night. There's a 6 year old with a black band-aid on his cheek, 2 stuffed animals in his arms and the most luscious eyelashes curled up next to me in bed. One leg is thrown over my lap just enough to make me wonder if I have to pee, or if that's just his knee digging in, and I sure as sunshine don't want to move him to discover which it truly is. Not just yet, anyway.  He and I have spent countless nights like this. I think its because he knew he'd always be my baby baby. Had I known that, I would have done SO many things different and so many things the same. But we know all that we're going to know in this very moment. We do our best with the knowledge that we have and pray to know a little more in the next.

I'm a survivor of divorce.

I'm a survivor of self loathing.

I'm a survivor of torment.

I'm a survivor of neglect.

I'm a survivor of self-sacrifice.

I'm a survivor of codependency.

I'm a survivor of emotional abuse.

I'm a survivor of ignorance.

I'm a survivor of a Dirty Coke habit...

I'm a survivor of unworthiness.

I'm a survivor of social stigma's.

I'm a survivor of abandonment.

I'm a survivor of lonely nights and falling asleep to Netflix Friends binges.

I'm a survivor of single-wife'dom.

I'm a survivor of dating in your 30's.

I'm a survivor of awkward 20's.... ok awkward 30's.


I AM A SURVIVOR
and all that I know now... is from surviving.

No matter what your story is, build.  Build on the knowledge you glean from each battle and celebrate. Throw your head back and sing at the top of your lungs in your car, no matter what kind of look the teenager/90 year old/ truck driver in the lane next might give you. Who cares?! Yep, I do it too.  You deserve to revel in the glory of that victory no matter its size. Use the knowledge that you learn from those battles to help you conquer your next challenge. The challenges will come, let them come but do not let them define you. DO NOT let them keep you, you are worth more than that. The challenges maybe not as gruesome as the last, but my goal is to be there for you with the bits and pieces I've picked up along my journey, my story, to help you not feel so alone, to not let you sit in your past story and let it define you. I hope you'll find in me a friend, an ally, and someone you can laugh at... I mean, WITH... when the story hits too close to home, because trust me.... I've got some great ones for ya and hopefully you can take what I learned from the situation to avoid some of those "learning moments."

love you, love you
Triana