Finding Joy in the SoloMamaHood

Just after my boys' dad moved out, my (then) 3 year old, Monster A, looked up at me and said "mama, you fun!" 

This was a MIND BLOWING statement from him. He'd been slamming doors, making statements of hate, screaming and just all around giving me a preview of what he might be like as an emo teenager.

I'd been so frustrated, upset, depressed and just downright not who I wanted to be. All of my energy was sucked into expectation, hurt and frustration. I wasn't showing up as the best mom my boys deserved... the mom I wanted to be.

  Enter the flash of light. 

Being a single mom gives you the opportunity to be the mom you WANT to be. I know you probably think you should already be the mom you wanted to be, but think about it. Did you have expectations put upon you by your former spouse, by your friends, by your parents, by the freakin' world??? BY YOURSELF!?! 

Because let's be honest. Expectations are life sucking.  

Did your former spouse not like noise when he got home from work?  Did he not like certain foods so you couldn't have things you liked for dinner?  Did he not want to go to certain places or do things on the weekends because he'd been out of the house all week? Did he disagree with the way you found to best dissolve sibling disputes? Did you agree on how the kids should be raised? 

Now's your opportunity to throw all those expectations out the window and start from scratch.  

When it came down to it just being me all the time, I realized I had a chance to be the mom I truly wanted to be.  I could refresh the rules for them.  But what did that mean for me?

I got back in pictures.

I found my "village" 

We started listening to music that was fun. That we could dance to in the kitchen. 

We started taking day trips on the weekends to places that the boys had interest in. 

I started decorating my house in a way that was fun for both the boys and me. 

I asked them questions about themselves and what they wanted to do. 

I started saying yes. 

We had popcorn for dinner. Because... POPCORN! 

We started saying positive affirmations on the way to school each morning. 

We laughed.

We found things to be happy about each day. 

We went to the beach in the middle of winter. 

We tried every single donut place in the valley. 

We had burping contests and made up silly rhymes.

I stopped worrying about what type of mom everyone else wanted me to be, the "just for show" mom, and I started being the mom I wanted to be. The mom I wanted them to remember. 

Were there hard days?  Yes.  I'd be lying if I said there weren't. I'd be lying if I said that it got easier. 

It didn't get easier.  I let go of the frustration that came with expecting my spouse to be my partner and released the anger that came about because he wasn't.  

It didn't get easier. But it did get more enjoyable, and I found my why.  I found my purpose. 

That's when I started finding the joy in this solo mama thing. 

Here's your chance to rewrite your mom story.

What's something you want to do that you were always afraid to because of what others might think? 

Are the people in your "village" people that would support you no matter what?

Are the values that you held onto in your marriage something you'd hold onto by yourself? 

What's a way you want to show up as a mom for your kids that is beyond the box you've been living in?

What's a limiting belief you have of yourself or your future that you can kick to the curb?

How would you decorate your house if you were the only one making the decisions? (If you don't know... go walk through your local furniture shop on a you-date and see what draws YOU. Not what he would like best, or what you could just live with if he agreed.) 

What is one fun rule you can implement into your daily routine? 

I'd love to hear where you have found joy in your SoloMamaHood journey!